Tag Archives: teens

My eldest teen dealing with disappointment this week.

Before I start, I want to put this into perspective. No-one has died, or divorced, or left etc. It wasn’t to do with grades or uni or even a relationship. But this week my eldest son had what they see would  as a huge disappointment. He was due to go on holiday with his girlfriend and her family on an early flight on Saturday morning to Tenerife for a week. He had been invited over the Christmas holidays and we agreed that it would be his gift for his 19th birthday which is on Easter Sunday this year. A lot of money was spent on flights, insurance, passport and proper summer clothes that he was going to need.

Last week there was things to sort for him everyday leading up to picking him up from uni late on Thursday evening so we had Friday to sort all the packing and money exchanging. It was a busy week for me as it’s not every day I can be up and around and active due to my illness, however, by Friday morning we were fairly relaxed thinking we were ahead of ourselves.

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Then came the message that was to change it all. His girlfriend messaged to say her younger brother had been rushed into hospital that morning as he had become unwell without any warning signs or symptoms. When he told us my hubby and I knew right there and then that they would not be flying out to their holiday,but wanted to allow him to process what was happening and come to his own conclusions without us being instantly negative. However, as the morning went on I received a call from the mum to tell me what was happening and that they would have to cancel the holiday! Having never spoken to her before other than a phone message I felt so sorry for her when she was getting upset telling us they have to cancel. As an adult we can look at the whole situation and know that the most important thing was that their son was going to be OK. But we then had to break the news to my son, yes he’s 19 years old and should be able to process the initial disappointment and be able to know that it was more important that their son was well. However, throw in the fact he hasn’t been on proper holiday abroad for around 10 years so he was definitely excited about going, also the fact he was going to spend a week with his girlfriend ( who he doesn’t see every week because she lives in Norfolk and he’s at uni in Brighton) and then add on that the fact he has Aspergers (mild traits)!!

Surprisingly, he took it well, but he was playing his guitar at the time ( a stress reliever for him) and we could see that his eyes were welling up but he was trying not to show it. He obviously was concerned for the brother as he has got to know him quite well now and they both get on. He knew it was more important that the son was in hospital and no-one knew what was happening to him (initially we heard it was possible appendicitis, then possible pancreatitis and he was due to have scans and more blood tests) but it was still a huge disappointment for him to process. So, we agreed that if he still wanted to have time with his girlfriend that because my husband was off work for a day or two we would be able to drive him up to stay with her as I know she would want to be at home to see her brother. So, that’s what we did and in all fairness he was quite happy in the end with the outcome of a few days with his girlfriend rather than not see her at all.

I think teenagers ( even the older ones who are more independent) still live in that moment or that day rather than look ahead or plan ahead as most adults would do, in that respect they are still like young children and therefore we have to remember they might not take the same approach to disappointment that a fully grown adult, who has experienced a bit of life, would. Things that happen along the way in life like this situation help us deal better with any future disappointments in life. They put things into perspective, they make them see that things do not always work out as you planned it and it’s still our job as parents to help them through these things and make them feel normal for having these feelings.

The main thing overall is that their son is OK, although he is still in hospital having scans and pain relief until they source the real cause of the problem, but I still think it’s natural to feel a little disappointment when it comes to these situations too. It’s not selfish providing you do not lose sight of the bigger picture. This certainly would have been much, much worse if this had happened on the plane or even when they were out at their holiday destination, there will be other holidays and other times to do things.

So for now we hope he has a great time this week in Norfolk and we just look forward to celebrating his birthday on Easter Sunday.

How have you had to help your teen deal with life’s little disappointments? I am generally interested to know how others cope.

 

 

Jump In, Tonbridge- Review

I have seen more and more of these style of trampoline parks popping up all over the place taking over (almost) from the generation of kids indoor playcentres, with the difference being that us adults can also now ‘pay and play’!

We were invited along to Jump In trampoline park Tonbridge in Kent over the half term,  which has just recently opened in fact. This one was on an industrial estate ( which most of these places are anyway) and although there was a decent sised sign on the outer gate we really had to look hard to make sure we were in the right place as this was the sign on the building itself….

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We were advised to register everyone in our group that were actually going onto the trampolines and those under 18 need to be signed in by an adult on the waiver form.

As my eldest was home from uni we decided to all go on and try it ( yes even me!) but unfortunately for us we were restricted on our time that week and so were there around 3pm, and obviously at those times it was full of young children from toddlers up to teens. Thankfully we are not a family to be put off and we went on anyway. I am sure the later you go the older the kids/teens would be ( it is open until 9pm on weekdays and 10pm on weekends -Fri and Sat) but like I said we were a little restricted that week working around my eldest.

The venue itself you could tell had not been open long, the walls were a clean crisp grey and everything had that newly painted/ decorated feel. Once you register and book in and pay, you are given your grip socks which you need if you are going on the trampolines. The sessions are one hour long at £12 inc your grip socks with a second hour available for £6 (prices for under 5’s are reduced ). So at £12 a child it could be kind of expensive with more than one child- however, I guarantee you they will come off totally knackered…………… so worth it if you think about it! We were also given a coloured wrist band as it was peak time in half term and very busy, but I imagine this is the only way to actually keep a restriction on how many people they are allowed on at any one time. Then we were sent into a holding room to view a 4 minute ‘Do’s and Don’t’s’ video before entering the trampoline area itself.

There are small lockers available if you are all going on for you to pop your phones/ bags/ valuables etc into which you get your money back from each time.

As you walk through you are into the seating/ cafe area on the same level (think normal playcentre and you will get an idea of what to expect) and then if you are going on the trampoline area which is completely raised there is a ramp walkway to get on there. It is still easy to see your children from the cafe and there is a small walkway all along that you can go up to check on them if you want.

Like I say we all went on and had a ball. I lasted about 20-30 minutes before I was completely shattered and went for a coffee from the cafe ( ladies be warned Tena ladies would be very handy if you are jumping!! Just saying). Our 2 teens stayed on there the whole time! There was an area unfinished in the top corner which was bordered off from the rest of the park, it was set in lower and looked like it was going to be used for a dodge ball area ( I could be wrong on that but it did look like it). They also have a small 2 hoop basketball area which you queue for to go and have a try- using the trampolines to get the bounce and height to help you get the ball in the hoop- looked good fun. There is also an under 5’s small area bordered off near the cafe area. There is also an area at the top end where you have obstacles to get past over a pit filled with sponge blocks- string ladders to climb up and ‘gladiator’ style jousting on a slim walkway were you are given head gear to put on and bash your opponent with a large soft paddle to knock them off into the pit.

All in all we had a fun time, next time we would definitely book an evening slot so the age group would be older and more suitable for teens and adults alike without worrying that when you jump you are going to unknowingly fling a young child about 10ft in the air! They also run exercise classes which I imagine would be amazing fun and great exercise- my hubby and I can confirm our legs felt like lead the next day so this would be a great form of cardio exercise! It’s definitely something we all enjoyed and said e would do again……….and lets face it most teens don’t want to do anything with their parents so were pleased they said they would go back again.

Unlike normal playcentres though it is advisable to pre book your slot online before you go as once they reach their maximum amount of people at that time the slot will no longer be available for obvious health and safety reasons. You also get to keep your grip socks after the first time so a 1 hour slot reduces to £10 an hour when you bring those socks back to re use them each time.

If you fancy trying it then just check out their website here for more details on pricing/ times/ classes/ parties  etc.

 

Amazing how differently your teen is treated by teachers when they find out about his almost certain ADHD diagnosis

Ok so before all you teachers instantly take offence to that I will openly say I do not think secondary teachers are paid enough for what they have to deal with and I could not for all the money in the world even contemplate teaching teenagers!! I appreciate you all have several classes with probably 30 moody, whingy, bolshy annoying teens in every class driving you to complete distraction getting on your last nerve at times…………….. I repeat I COULD NOT DO THAT JOB.

That said, when it comes to your own child and you can see him being persecuted for being fidgety, talking, moving, getting distracted and distracting others. Now I am not a mother who sees her children as little angels, I am fully aware that my 15 year old son is ‘high maintenance’, loud, demanding and can drive me to total distraction on a daily basis, so I do appreciate how that could be a pain in the arse to deal with in a class of 30 kids. So when the said child does not change over the years, finds it hard to focus and is the king of ‘low level disruption’ but is generally a very likeable boy surely some alarm bells would be ringing from the school side of things?

However, this did not happen, it was my son after lots of discussions at home who decided that he needed to take this further as he was getting very frustrated with getting into trouble for the same repeatable behaviour, to the point where particular teachers would actually send him out of the room within minutes because he was tapping his pen, or tapping his feet, or fiddling with stuff on his desk and then totally lose his temper when they gave him a detention for disruption. He has been on Head of Learning reports in year 9 and just wasn’t actually learning from it- it his words ‘I feel as though I just cant stop myself- I have done it or said it before I have even realised’.

So we went through the process of getting the school to refer him last year for an ADHD assessment ( totally pushed from our side). He eventually had his assessment just before Christmas 2015 where the consultant openly told us it was highly likely in her view he would be diagnosed and to prepare for him to be put on medication that would help him settle, focus and help him achieve his potential at school ( he is at a grammar school and all his teachers say he is very bright but he is letting himself down with his behaviour). Unfortunately the appointment to discuss possible medications will not be until May/ June at the earliest due to the waiting list.

Tonight we had his parents evening. He has heard so many times about his behaviour that he totally rights himself off with school and doesn’t think he can do anything, yet recently we were emailed by his Chemistry teacher to say he had an excellent result in his latest ISA test. He is on par for an A* in his Drama, and does well in strange subjects such as Classics too. He has the capability to do really well in his GCSE’s and we have been told that by most of his teachers.

So at each of the 4 minute slots you have ( I swear it’s like a form of speed dating!) with each teacher, every single one of them concentrated on his behaviour and not on his work to the point I just didn’t care and totally ran over my slotted time in order to inform them that he has been ADHD assessed, with a highly likely outcome, and is waiting on a probably medication appointment in hopefully may/ June time- all of which has been discussed with the SEN who was supposed to pass it on to his them.

The difference in how they spoke to him, about him and what they could do to help was unbelievable! We went from him being basically slagged off ( no wonder he goes to school with a self fulfilling prophecy attitude, tell someone they are a waste of space enough and they will become it!) to a complete turnaround for some of them.

All of his teachers have said they will………….

  • physically check he has written his homework in his planner rather than just ask him ( as he will say yes intending to do it at break time only to get distracted and then forget………..roll on a detention).
  • some have offered to print out notes for him as he struggles to read his own writing when he rushes notes in class and therefore takes the attitude that it’s not worth it as he wont be able to read them, therefore getting into trouble for not doing enough note taking.
  • Some have decided that they will move him closer to their desk in order to help keep him focussed.
  • Several said to get a stress ball that he could keep in his hand in class so that he has something to ‘fiddle with’ without making noise or distracting others.
  • One has already started to give him a little note at the start of the lesson to break down his one hour class into 10-15 minute bites for him so he only has to initially focus for short periods on one task.

They spoke to him about helpful coping strategies that they could work together on and some we could use at home with regards to his homework and coursework etc. His Drama teacher was absolutely brilliant with him and said that he was welcome in her class when she was there during breaks or after school to ‘vent’ or talk about things he was struggling with and she would help him as much as she could. She said he reminded her of herself at that age where he was almost at a crossroads and could go one way or the other, on a good path or a bad one, and she was more than happy to help him make the right choices.

It is a shame that it wasn’t picked up earlier from school and he felt he had already been written off by his teachers who literally couldn’t be bothered to have him in their class. Therefore, in his head he was never going to do any good at his GCSE’s. Tonight he is already talking about being a primary school teacher ( which he would be fab at as he gets on great with younger kids). Don’t get me wrong he is not going to find this easy, he will have to put some hard effort in himself and knuckle down to getting his homework done, but if it’s in his planner then we as parents can support him by making sure it’s done and therefore cut down on any detentions for not doing it because it wasn’t written in there. He will have to try really hard in class for the teachers to keep this level of support up on his behalf and hopefully help him with coping strategies even before he has to think about possible medication down the line.

So, for the first time after one of his parent’s evening we have all come home much more positive and my son now knows he has a friendly and approachable contact in the form of his Drama teacher if he finds he is getting frustrated with things at school. I cannot thank her enough for how nice she was to him tonight and how supportive she has offered to be- I think if one teacher at school can influence him it is definitely going to be her and hopefully that will help keep him on track in other classes too.

I would love to hear from any of you who have gone through the same thing, and if your child was put on medication did that help them at all?

 

 

 

 

When your teenager can still surprise you…..

My youngest son is 15 going on 35 so mature for his age group and acts like he is an adult!

As most of you will know if you have teen boys they hit that point where they stop asking you every 5 minutes ‘what we are doing today?’ and hole themselves up in their bedrooms, curtains closed, headphones on with games controllers in their hands and either ignoring you or telling you to get out of their rooms.

This pretty much sums up my youngest for about the past year, where it has been pretty hard to get him motivated with anything. Then Sunday out of nowhere he comes down to the table in the lounge and sets up an area so he can make a model of a tank. Yes I know I thought I was hallucinating too! From 2pm he worked on it all day until around 9ish in the evening breaking only to have his dinner. To be bloody honest I don’t think I have witnessed him sit in one place for anywhere near that long before (even when he is gaming he is up and down stairs getting food and drinks).

Then on Monday after school he came in got changed and then started again. I could not believe it. He even got me to order another model online so he had something to start once he finished the tank. Even now I cannot believe I am writing these words! Last night around 8 o’clock he proudly brought it over to show me. He had actually done a great job, he is the most inpatient kid I know and would normally have several devices on the go at any one time. OK so yes he had headphones on watching The Big Bang Theory on his Ipad in the backround, but he still ploughed on through with all the fiddly time consuming bits that you have to do, filing, glueing and waiting for things to dry before moving on.

Now he just needs to paint it but I am super proud that he pulled himself away from his games to do something constructive, and the fact he spent that much time downstairs in our company to boot. I am not fooling myself, probably by the time the weekend comes the novelty will have worn off and he will be back gaming non stop, but for now I am going to wallow in the fact he is doing something different and spending more time in our company…………..and if that costs me a small fortune in models then so be it.

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Time for a teen room makeover

My eldest son is about to turn 18 in April and in all fairness his room hasn’t been decorated as such since we had a whole house refurb about 7 yrs ago. When we did the building work the boys went from sharing a room to having a room of their own and we literally just split their bunk beds to make temporary singles for each room. We kept the colours neutral so we could just easily change bedding/ curtains and posters or wall art to suit their changing tastes. This has worked very well up until now.

Now, as my son turns 18 we are looking to overhaul his room making it into a more adult looking space, there is plenty of room to fit a double bed which will be our priority as he is no longer a little boy but an almost 6ft young man and needs room to spread out.

Landcroft Road—East Dulwich : Classic style bedroom by Oakman

 

Surprisingly he still has his storage boxes under his bed overflowing with Lego and toys and games in his cupboards that depict younger age, not because he wants them still but because we have failed to make the time to clear out to be honest, and up until recently he hasn’t really minded that much. He still has a mountain of books so he would love something like these gorgeous leaning ladder style shelves to fill with books.

Colonial style bedroom by DA-Design

 

He’s into his music and has a keyboard  which he has used since he did music GCSE at school and now he has an electric guitar and some programming and recording tech which he spends a lot of his time doing. He is also due to go off to Uni in September ( I cannot mention it without almost bursting into tears- I am so not ready for my baby to go) but I think the music equipment will stay here for now until he finds his feet and I think his Uni room will not be big enough to fit it all in! He also loves all things retro so this would be right up his street!

Realizzazioni : Modern bedroom by Jorge Cases

 

We have put this job off for a all of last year really not through any other reason than lack of inspiration, even he doesn’t really know what he wants (except for the double!). Recently though I have been trawling the internet which has been an amazing resource for boys bedroom ideas regardless of the age group or what they are into and I have lost hours searching through Pinterest, home decor sites and even other blogger makeover posts. I think when they are little it is so much easier to come up with ideas or themes and products to fit any size or style of room.

I would love to hear from any of you who have been in the same position and see what you chose for your teens room

DISCLAIMER: This post is in collaboration with Homify