Category Archives: son

My eldest teen dealing with disappointment this week.

Before I start, I want to put this into perspective. No-one has died, or divorced, or left etc. It wasn’t to do with grades or uni or even a relationship. But this week my eldest son had what they see would  as a huge disappointment. He was due to go on holiday with his girlfriend and her family on an early flight on Saturday morning to Tenerife for a week. He had been invited over the Christmas holidays and we agreed that it would be his gift for his 19th birthday which is on Easter Sunday this year. A lot of money was spent on flights, insurance, passport and proper summer clothes that he was going to need.

Last week there was things to sort for him everyday leading up to picking him up from uni late on Thursday evening so we had Friday to sort all the packing and money exchanging. It was a busy week for me as it’s not every day I can be up and around and active due to my illness, however, by Friday morning we were fairly relaxed thinking we were ahead of ourselves.

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Then came the message that was to change it all. His girlfriend messaged to say her younger brother had been rushed into hospital that morning as he had become unwell without any warning signs or symptoms. When he told us my hubby and I knew right there and then that they would not be flying out to their holiday,but wanted to allow him to process what was happening and come to his own conclusions without us being instantly negative. However, as the morning went on I received a call from the mum to tell me what was happening and that they would have to cancel the holiday! Having never spoken to her before other than a phone message I felt so sorry for her when she was getting upset telling us they have to cancel. As an adult we can look at the whole situation and know that the most important thing was that their son was going to be OK. But we then had to break the news to my son, yes he’s 19 years old and should be able to process the initial disappointment and be able to know that it was more important that their son was well. However, throw in the fact he hasn’t been on proper holiday abroad for around 10 years so he was definitely excited about going, also the fact he was going to spend a week with his girlfriend ( who he doesn’t see every week because she lives in Norfolk and he’s at uni in Brighton) and then add on that the fact he has Aspergers (mild traits)!!

Surprisingly, he took it well, but he was playing his guitar at the time ( a stress reliever for him) and we could see that his eyes were welling up but he was trying not to show it. He obviously was concerned for the brother as he has got to know him quite well now and they both get on. He knew it was more important that the son was in hospital and no-one knew what was happening to him (initially we heard it was possible appendicitis, then possible pancreatitis and he was due to have scans and more blood tests) but it was still a huge disappointment for him to process. So, we agreed that if he still wanted to have time with his girlfriend that because my husband was off work for a day or two we would be able to drive him up to stay with her as I know she would want to be at home to see her brother. So, that’s what we did and in all fairness he was quite happy in the end with the outcome of a few days with his girlfriend rather than not see her at all.

I think teenagers ( even the older ones who are more independent) still live in that moment or that day rather than look ahead or plan ahead as most adults would do, in that respect they are still like young children and therefore we have to remember they might not take the same approach to disappointment that a fully grown adult, who has experienced a bit of life, would. Things that happen along the way in life like this situation help us deal better with any future disappointments in life. They put things into perspective, they make them see that things do not always work out as you planned it and it’s still our job as parents to help them through these things and make them feel normal for having these feelings.

The main thing overall is that their son is OK, although he is still in hospital having scans and pain relief until they source the real cause of the problem, but I still think it’s natural to feel a little disappointment when it comes to these situations too. It’s not selfish providing you do not lose sight of the bigger picture. This certainly would have been much, much worse if this had happened on the plane or even when they were out at their holiday destination, there will be other holidays and other times to do things.

So for now we hope he has a great time this week in Norfolk and we just look forward to celebrating his birthday on Easter Sunday.

How have you had to help your teen deal with life’s little disappointments? I am generally interested to know how others cope.

 

 

Yes I am still here!

You may have thought I had given up on my little blog it has been so long since I have posted on here, but no, I am still here I have just been having a little break.

It’s not that I haven’t had anything to write about, there have been loads going on in the past few months in my little corner of the world, it is just the fact that I haven’t had the inclination to put it all on here, call it lack of blogging mojo but I have had a total break from my site although I have been active on my social media sites. Last night, however, I attended a lovely event down in Kent which got me back in touch with the blogging community. It was fun, it was nice to meet new people and get a bit of that missing blogging mojo back.

So, what has been happening while I have been away (and I do not mean the obvious political stuff that is all over social media at the minute). In my little bubble, I haven’t been active on here since attending a review for a local spa, which I have now joined myself and try and go there at least twice a week. I cannot tell you how relaxing it is using the heat rooms ( sauna and steam) there and how lovely that has been for my poor M.E/Fibro muscular pain.

There’s been 18th birthday celebrations for my eldest ( in April) before all the madness of his A level exams recently.

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There’s been more sewing for me as I attended another sewing class learning more skills and meeting new people.

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There’s been a lot of ‘new to me’ furniture buying and upcycling as we have started to redecorate our lounge from a modern look to a more old style/ country appearance..

Gone from Dark leather to cream fabric

Gone from Dark leather to cream fabric

Again gone from a very dark wood to white and a sanded top, I still need to cover the chairs!

Again gone from a very dark wood to white and a sanded top, I still need to cover the chairs!

Gone from dark to light on the curtains and will be taking down the blinds and putting up voiles instead to make it lighter

Gone from dark to light on the curtains and will be taking down the blinds and putting up voiles instead to make it lighter

There is still a lot to do as the walls need repainting and the feature walls need re-papered and some soft furnishings still need to be sorted, but the majority of the change over is done.

There’s also been a trip to Royal Ascot (which was amazing) for a friends 50th birthday.

That's my friend and I all togged up looking posh!

That’s my friend and I all togged up looking posh!

This was something I always wanted to go and experience and I am glad they invited us to enjoy their special day- things are always enjoyed best depending on the company you go with. This was a fabulous day that I will not forget for a very long time…………….did I mention how close I got to the Queen????

There you go - just in case you didn't believe me!

There you go – just in case you didn’t believe me!

Recent weeks have been tough health wise for me, I felt I was having no relief from my Fibromyalgia pain at all. It was making me more exhausted than normal and was just never ending. I finally managed to get a GP appointment and she is very understanding and finally changed my medication to a slow release morphine ( the strongest thing I have been on ever). However, the detox from the years of Tramadol onto slow release MST was just horrific for about 5-6 days in total. I have never felt so rough in my life, hardly able to hold myself up yet unable to sleep  ( I was literally awake all night on the 1st evening watching films!), there was lots of nausea and dizziness and a bloody awful crushing headache that lasted days. A week or so on from there and things have settled and things are on the up and I am slowly but surely getting back to what would be relative normality for me.

Then last night was a huge milestone when my 18yr old went on his 6th year school leaver’s Prom, having officially left school and now just waiting exam results ( do not mention Edexel A level Maths………….there may well be a meltdown here!) and hopefully for him ( definitely not me) off to uni.

Here he looking handsome and dapper being  forced to stand and have a million pictures taken before he went!

Here he looking handsome and dapper being forced to stand and have a million pictures taken before he went!

So there you have it! There have obviously been lots of normal life thrown in too, ( nothing is ever straightforward or stress free with older teens in the house) but for now I will leave it there.

I look forward to catching up on all the blogging goings on now that I have a little blog mojo back!

My baby has turned 16!

This post has taken me a few weeks to write as we have had a few things happen all at once that have made me feel old and decrepit!

Anyway this was still a joyous occasion, my little baby, turning 16…………………still very hard to believe. But as I look at him now I see the older boy he is, something I have denied for a VERY long time ( I’m sure I’m not the only one here that has done this). He talks of exams and A levels and university. He talks of trips up to London with friends and recently wanting to stay at home on his own so he can get a ‘bit of independence’. He has asked to be shown how to use the washing machine ( I know great isn’t it LOL), cook things for himself, organise outings with his friends etc, really something he hasn’t even shown an interest before- he even started shaving. So this is great, really it is *weeps into my coffee*.

So to celebrate this he wanted a paintball day with some of his mates which they all loved and Dad got ‘hero points’ for taking out the exterminator guy in one of the games!

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We then had some friends and family around on his actual birthday just to mark the day.

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Me on the left looking slightly hysterical...........might have been the wine LOL

Me on the left looking slightly hysterical………..might have been the wine LOL

It is weird though as you begin to think if you have made the most of those years and why the time goes so quickly. He is in the middle of his GCSE’s at the moment and it just all seems to be happening at once! I know everyone is in the same boat and I suppose it’s easy to look back with rose tinted glasses thinking everything was perfect instead of remembering his awful eating problems, the tantrums, the stress of siblings etc, but hey wants to dwell on that shit eh?

Therefore I will continue to console myself with wine………….and chocolate……………and coffee……………and whatever else I can do to take my mind off getting older by the day and my baby getting closer to being a fully fledged adult.

Rocking in Hyde Park

I feel like a real ‘cool’ ‘up to date’ ‘rockin’ sort of mum this week. I can announce I have been to 2 fab concerts in one week- Go Me!!

One was for the fab Robster which you can read here if you missed it. The other was a lot ‘cooler’ as I took my teen to Hyde Park to see Bon Jovi!!! I know I’m still reliving it LOL ( bear in mind I don’t get out much *cough*). This was actually a birthday pressie for him back in April, but of course being 15 he needed a chaperone (that’s my excuse).

Anyway I cannot stand for very long periods of time so was lucky enough to get tickets for the accessible standing area which gave us a BRILLIANT view.

Our view from the ‘accessible standing’ area!

We were literally behind this barrier and this photo was taken with no zoom either. We were actually in part of the very expensive ‘Gold ‘ area which meant a lot more room and view with the thousands of peasants left to bundle inside the park area!!

They were packed in like sardines!!

Sometimes having an affliction can come in very handy.

First up for us was the Kaiser Chiefs who were great and the singer was a really funny guy interacting with the crowd to.

Then it was the turn of the main band- BON JOVI!! Actually I’m not sure who was more excited and I did outscream shout much louder than my son. What are mum’s for after all?

As the evening wore on the light show was amazing too.

We certainly got our money’s worth as they played for around 3 hrs or so, playing all our fav’s……….Raise Your hands, Living on a Prayer, with an amazing rendition of Always in the encore!

We both had a fabulous time, with my son recording lots of his favourite songs on his phone to listen at home. We swayed, danced, sung our little hearts out for a few hours and I was given the seal of approval for being able to get him in an area closer to the stage!! This may be a good thing or not depending on who he has his eye on next LOL………

I have my uses after all.