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No I’m not kidding I actually found this in the library today! Yes the Haynes Teenager Manual!! So I couldn’t leave it on the shelf. I have 2 boys aged 12 and 14yrs and dealing with them is a complete … Continue reading
Recently I have been asking myself this question virtually everyday.
I have two boys, one aged 13 and the other is 11. THEY DO NOT GET ON!!!!
They are very, very different personalities, which I think is great. They like different things but also like some similar things too. So why can’t they get along together?
I truly do not know!!!
Now I don’t just mean a bit of sibling rivalry, or fighting one minute and then friends the next. NO they are never friends…………………….EVER.
My youngest is a very loud and outgoing character. He has a lot of personality and loves to be centre of attention. My eldest is quieter, more mellow generally and tends to go with the flow (until it involves his brother).
But it is starting to affect the family dynamics. A family day at home or out is just horrendous. We know it will end in tears (namely ours!!). It seems as a family we cannot simply enjoy time together, just chatting, laughing and having a joke. My eldest can get very stressed by th whole thing.
At the moment our family life is generally our boys taking themselves off to their separate rooms and shutting their doors to be away from each other.
As parents we try to be fair with their disputes. However, we have noticed more and more that it generally stems from our youngest. He makes fun of his older brother and although we all have jokes at each others expense, his delve into what we believe to be bullying!
Whenever my eldest says anything, and I mean anything, he will be sneered at, or laughed at or belittled as though what he says has no relevance.
We have approached our youngest and explained how he is behaving. What makes it worse is that our oldest has very mild Asperger traits ( not fully diagnosed, but noticeable). Again we have tried explaining this to our youngest and have used some books to show him how his brother thinks. IT DIDN’T WORK- IN FACT IT MADE IT WORSE.
Now I know you will all be thinking he must be attention seeking. However, he gets a lot more time devoted to him on a 1 to1 basis because of his acting. I am always with him for auditions and shows. Everything tends to revolve around what he is doing, our Christmas this year was dominated by the fact he was acting in Panto everyday of the holidays.
So I need help. Where are we as parents going wrong?
I cannot see any other reason for it other than our total parent fail!!!
We try everything, we take things ie: Ipods / TV away. We stop him sometimes going to a party or to friends if he has been particularly bad. We also stand by our word and if we threaten something, we ALWAYS carry it through. So you would think he would get the message.
Our main concern is how he treats his brother.
TOTAL PARENT FAIL…………………..surely there is no other explanation.
Where do we go from here…………….it’s quite depressing, for everyone apart from my youngest son!!
Yes, it’s a very nervous day in my household today. It’s the day my youngest son’s 11+ results arrive on our doorstep!!
As the day has drawn closer I have noticed him getting more and more concerned about it. He is hoping to pass but we have tried to warn him that it doesn’t always go to plan and not to be too disappointed if he doesn’t get through.
However, what makes it worse is that he is a bright boy, he has the potential to pass, he has done some work towards it………………but there is never any guarantee.
Going on his work at home, if he finished the practise papers on time he then didn’t do very well. But if he concentrated and didn’t finish the paper on time ( quality rather than quantity) then he tended to get a good score!!!
On both of the test days he came out saying that he had finished the papers…………..not a great sign!!
But you just never know. We are not holding our breath as parents however, we are trying to prepare for the meltdown that will be if he doesn’t ‘pass’ the test. I know he will feel a failure, I know he will feel resentment against his brother ( who did pass a few years ago and attends the school my youngest really wants to go to) and I know tomorrow going into school will be hellish for him!!
You see most people have the opinion that he will pass, I’m afraid that they mistake his confidence (which he has in abundance) for ability! I think he feels under pressure because of this!
These are children who are only 10 or 11 years old. They are too young to have this much pressure. I know of many parents who openly talk about it all in front of them and therefore, the pressure of not being a ‘failure’ is all too apparent.
My post does not arrive until lunchtime…………………….my nerves may not stand it!
Little does he know that I will be steaming that letter open to find out the result before he opens it on his return from school!! I need to be prepared in order to deal with any of his disappointment straight away!!
On the other hand he may pass and be overjoyed……………………………who knows what the day holds.
Either way we will be treating him to dinner out to at least celebrate the fact it will all be over!!!!